When I came up with this phrase years ago, it unfortunately accurately reflected my attitude about having little appreciation for patience and very little belief that patience is a virtue. My self-indulgent quip usually would get a laugh or maybe a quizzical expression from those within earshot. The sad thing, however, is that I really believed it.
It wasn’t until I became a family caregiver that I realized the ridiculous nature of this way of thinking. I’ve found patience to be an essential ingredient for delivering quality care for a loved one. More so, I have found it to be a necessity in preventing me from beating myself up during the most trying of times; the self-inflicted negative effect of a lack of patience on my personal well being had become a real problem.
I don’t know about you, but as a caregiver I quickly found out that there were many things I had to deal with that were completely out of my control. Though rarely catastrophic scenarios, I found many to be overwhelming simply because of my lack of patience that resulted in my not giving myself a break. Given my impatience, especially with myself, a sense of stress and anxiety became my near-constant emotional state. I didn’t allow myself to be receptive to joyful experiences or to appreciate the many good and satisfying parts of my life.
So what brought about my understanding of the need for patience? Oddly, it was my having to experience one of my most impatient times. For whatever reason, right in the center of a self-imposed emotional storm, the words of a flight instructor of mine from over 30 years ago popped into my head: “Sometimes, when you are flying through turbulence, the best way to handle it is to just relax and not hold onto the yoke (wheel) too tightly. “Let time and the conditions help you. Make sure you have done all you can do, just give it time, and don’t fight every little bump.” Eureka!
These words have had a lot more meaning and benefit for me on the ground than they ever did in the sky. They’ve made me a better caregiver for others, more understanding of those around me, and allowed me to be at greater peace with myself. I hope they do the same for you.
About Victor. Victor Imbimbo is a family caregiver and has been working with other caregivers for over ten years.
Traveling the country and speaking with caregivers Victor hears one central theme: “I don’t have time to worry about myself.” Although understandable it is simply not acceptable. We hope that you find something in Victor’s blog that rings true for you. Caregiver to caregiver dialogue is helpful and supportive so please sound off. Help yourself. Help others!
